When will I meet Ted Mosby of my life?
That’s the question I always asks to myself. The moment when I have watched How I Met Your Mother this keep me thinking and asking is there still a guy could be like Ted Mosby? Someone who believe in love at first sight. Someone who says I love you on you first date and will stole a blue french horn just to proved of his likeness to you. Someone who’s searching for the right one, the one you spend your life forever. A Ted Mosby who’s patiently waiting for the love of his life. A Ted Mosby who’s never get tired of hoping and loving even if it is hurting. A Ted Mosby who’s always positive in all aspects of life. A Ted Mosby who has a lot of sense of humor.
I wish I could meet him soon because I am nearly tired of waiting and I could have wave the white flag any time soon. Yeah I know if you’ll get to know my age you will surely say I am still young and I should not rush for love but I am on a marrying age now. No I am not in a rush it’s just that I am always wrong who am I investing my time and love with. Why cant it be the person you like will be yours? Because sometimes there just one who like you very much but even if you give it a chance to know him still there’s no spark I mean there still part of lacking even though you know what is lacking, you know to yourself that you cannot fill in the space it’s not about you shut the door already but you know it won’t workout so better to back off. Im not picky it’s just that if i like the person, I will like you without getting to know you better beacuse I believe there is something in you that part of me is with you already and I always look on the positive side and come what may as long as I make you happy and we are happy then we’re fine. What’s wrong with me is I am always focus on the one I like even there’s a lot of guy who express their love to me. At the end I will lose beacuse the one I like will eventually not be mine. I hate it when I invest my time and feelings to them they always left me hanging. Why is that so? Is it because I’m too clingy? Or beacuse I’m too needy? You don’t know where I came from and how I became like that. Please don’t make me fall or give any false hope it’s hurting so much to the point that I always ask myself what’s wrong with me? Dont make me fall and when time comes that I told you that I love you and then what you do is walk away and feel sorry if you led me on. What’s the point? You have these surprises and effort and then you told me that bullshit sorry? My self esteem has been down low because of the rejection. I hope i could fixed myself soon because it is really crushing inside.
Sometimes I loses faith, I guess I am destined to be alone. But still i know only Him our Lord God knows what is better for you. Lord God, is it too much if I ask you to give me the guy who can be my bestfriend, confidant and partner for life? I know you always have this purpose why you let this happen. What I am asking is should I be always in pain? Do you want me to be strong? I have been strong now and before then be in pained again? Would it be not enough for me to experience the forever love? I know You are love but I have this feeling of fear of being alone that no one will took care of you when you got old, no kids and no grand daughters and sons to tell the story how and where I could have been. Sorry for asking You these I am in too deep pain to the point that I lost some of my friends and my confidence to myself. Is there still someone out there waiting for me? I hope there still Ted Mosby be like waiting for me that one day we cross our paths and when that time comes he wouldn’t let me feel hanging, give false hope, and would not hurt me. I wanted him to feel me more secure of his love, happiness and trust. I don’t want another wrong move then check mate. This time I will love myself more and not to be overwhelmed in all things, I just wanted to be calm. I don’t want to be stupid again and cry all night. I don’t want guys to be turned off again with me because of being clingy and needy. This time I will be more better and give all the best in me. I will still be the loving, wierd, risk taker and crazy girl that every guy could be loved.